Listen!
What do you Hear?
And in the naked light I saw, ten thousand people, maybe more. People talking without speaking. People hearing without listening… -Simon and Garfunkel The Sound of Silence
We live in a dynamic, competitive culture heavily focused on the vocal sale of something - anything from ideas to people to products. As the volume grows it’s fascinating to consider that as loud the clamor, on average we spend more time listening than talking. Yet few people have had any guidance or education in the complexities of effective listening. This suggests that we take effective listening for granted. So how much does it matter?
In a recent article, Talk to Me, explored the origins of today’s communication crisis, how it negatively impacts our lives by eroding connection and community. As our interactions become increasingly brief, there is a direct correlation with the rise in intolerance created by our superficial understanding of one another. We often hear what we want to hear and only that with which we agree. Much suspicion and misunderstanding arises when we’re unable to listen and often fear what we will hear.
It’s highly frustrating when we have something to say and don’t feel heard. It’s equally as frustrating to sit and listen when we don’t want to. So why is listening so challenging?
Listening is not a simple thing. It’s a complex process requiring much awareness, an open heart and a non-judgmental mind. For example often we are already closed and not actually listening. Mentally we compose our response and wait for our moment to interrupt and control the conversation. Fidgeting, continually interrupting and attempting to change the subject indicate an inability and unwillingness to listen. Speaking without listening results in non-productive dialogue and is replaced by divisive competition or scoring points.
Being an effective listener is a rewarding discipline. How can we cultivate more effective listening methods to improve our lives?
Effective listening requires us to remove ourselves from the center of attention. Choosing to listen requires motivation so what is yours? Is it a desire for greater understanding, a stronger connection, avoiding conflict or to crafting a well-designed response?
Listening requires that we participate fully, keep still and have the necessary patience to hear and receive. Then begins the often-complex task of understanding and deciding when to interject if we have genuine difficulty understanding. Being a good listener also requires that we dig beneath the superficiality to attempt to understand the intention attached to the words.
Cultivating good listening skills will help in every area of our lives. Listening is essential when it comes to solving problems, both big and small. Effective and popular leaders are also good listeners. Valued and popular team members are also good listeners. Without effective listening we do not connect, we can’t make discerning choices and we misinterpret other’s actions. Lack of effective listening creates fertile ground for conflict. We all feel better when we feel heard and, remember, if you want to be heard, you should also be prepared to listen.
