The Exquisiteness of Forgiveness

LIving with Spiritual Elegance

Navigating the complicated and sometimes difficult task of living can be quite the challenge. And one of the more challenging aspects is our interaction with others. It is often said that if you feel yourself becoming more conscious, spend a weekend with the family and see just how solid your progress really is!

The quality of our relationships can be used as a litmus test of our own attitudes and behavior. Forgiveness and its arch nemesis, Revenge joust for our attention as tools we can utilize to manage our interactions. Different sides of the same coin, which we choose to use is a matter of supreme importance as the implications are very different. Revenge has a forceful, seductively Shakespearean quality to it, evoking images of misaligned love affairs, giant power struggles and secrets swathed in dark drama and possible tragedy. By contrast, Forgiveness has a soft, soulful, light simplicity to it that can make it appear like a poor relation.

For most of us, the dream of wreaking revenge on those we believe have hurt us usually remains exactly that, a dream. Our ego-self constantly reinforces its identity by holding the grudge with a painful pride: “I shall never forgive you for this…” is worn as a heavy cloak of perceived protection from further hurt.

What does carrying this leaden weight do for us? The only person this harms is oneself. Doctors and psychologists now understand the toll this heavy burden takes on our minds, bodies and souls: One of the more damaging aspects being to keep us in the past as we go over and over the same events.

Making a shift from holding a grudge to granting forgiveness is not easy: The sabotaging voice in our heads whispers an enticing warning, “if you forgive you’re condoning bad behavior”. It’s vital to turn this on its head: By choosing to forgive we shake off the negative effects, which is empowering in the best sense of the word. And empowered people know that their strength and value cannot be under-mined.

Possibly the most challenging part of all this is the ability to take responsibility for the part we play in the hurt story. Ironically forgiving ourselves can be even more complex. Ultimately forgiveness of self and others is a great big letting go. By leaving the emotional baggage in the Left Luggage locker we unburden ourselves and make room for what really matters.