Make it Real

National Compliment Day

In a world too casually cruel, where cutting remarks slip too easily into conversation, we look forward with anticipation to National Compliment Day next Monday.

That gives us five whole days to develop the proper mindset, to think positively about coworkers, friends and families and to devise compliments that will raise their spirits.

It sounds easy—but not so fast. Unless the compliment is sincere it can be on par with a thoughtless birthday present. To be truly complimentary, we must respond to an attribute we have noticed in the other person or recognize something they have done.

Compliments can have a powerful effect but they have a different valence. Complimenting a haircut or a new blouse is a throw-away. It may please the receiver in the moment but compliments that touch on character signal respect.

Both kinds of compliments are beneficial though—one affirming to the recipient that you are paying attention and the other reflecting admiration. Their only connective tissue is the need for the giver to recognize positive attributes in another.

So on National Compliment Day praise someone for something—just make it sincere. And if someone should return the favor, do not demur. Do not shuffle your feet, lower your head and deny the sentiment.

It has taken me years to not feel embarrassed by a compliment but I think I have found a way to accept praise without seeming self-important. I just say, “Thank you, that is so nice to hear.” Et voila! Gratification for giver and receiver.