Perception and Reality

I understand that my perceptions create my reality. What I think determines how I feel and who I am. I know this on an intellectual level but every now and then I need a good reminder.

I broke my toe.

That in itself is not amazing. I have had broken toes before and they have healed. However that does not seem to be happening now.

I stubbed the toe in March and hobbled around in great pain for a month or so. When the pain became unbearable I went around the corner to a bone and joint practice. I chose them for their location, a block away and, at that time, the less I walked that better.

They x-rayed the toe and declared it broken. The doctor was able to give me pain meds both by mouth and topical. He showed me how to tape it and advised me buy a shoe. I am sure you know these shoes. Black, big, high and ugly - sure to throw your back into distress.

I clunked around for a month and returned to the clinic. The bone was not healing so let’s give it some more time.

On the third visit, not only was the bone not healing but it was misaligned. The doctor said he could help me no further and recommended I find a surgeon or a podiatrist. Here is where my story begins.

My doctor recommended a Park Avenue podiatrist.

I visited her website and had a million judgments. She was a media star; Dr Oz, Today Show and many other web, television and radio appearances. She was beautiful, had a vigorous instagram account and booked online. Her office was on Park Avenue and so, by definition, she catered to the rich, powerful and beautiful. All my preconceptions came to the fore and I knew I would dislike her.

However I made the appointment and spent the intervening time trying to quell my judgment and the sure knowledge of who she was and how I felt about the story I had constructed.

Last week I presented myself at the office to meet the doctor.

I met her and liked her immediately and without restraint. She was warm and super smart. She was kind and, here was the surprise, interested in alternative ways of healing. She showed such compassion for her patients - and yes they were high and rich rollers - and worried that they were taking too many medications. She was looking for an alternative doctor for them , a woman who understood hormonal interactions. We discussed different healing modalities. My visit felt like being with an old friend.

About my toe. The doctor advised against surgery and explained it would never return to its original form however we could rebuild the bone. With that she recommended stem cell repair and gave me two really painful shots She taught me how to wrap the toe properly and filmed it on my iPhone for future reference. We meet again in a month.

I am amazed once again at how often and how much I project. I make up so many stories with serious judgments in all parts of my life (some of which I am aware, others perhaps not). These thoughts color my experience and create the world in which I live. I love this story because it calls me out on this questionable behavior.

Now that I am supremely aware, I can reprogram my expectations. It seems as though I have some serious work to do.