Mind What You Say

The Awesome Power of Words

Handle them carefully, for words have more power than atom bombs.
 - Pearl Strachan Hurd, British Politician 1930
 
Growing up in England, with our "stiff upper lip" culture, we often heard this English children's rhyme: "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words shall never hurt me." This rhyme first appeared in the mid-nineteenth century in defense of bullying and verbal abuse. It was deliberately constructed to build resilience, prevent physical retaliation, encourage indifference and cultivate calmness—in other words, don't make a fuss and carry on. Quite the mission, it would seem, for such a seemingly simple sentence.
 
Navigating the rough and tumble of the school playground, I remember being skeptical, even as a young child, about whether it was true. Not only did children call each other names but so did some of our teachers. When math isn't your strong suit and your teacher refers to you as "fish n chips" (to rhyme with Phipps!) as he calls on you to answer a question about the mystifying topic of simultaneous equations, cultivating calmness is the last thing on your mind. To this day when people start talking numbers my palms get sweaty.
 
When we consider the power of words, we only need look at how words shape and influence history for better and worse. The Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr., "I have a dream…" President George W. Bush, "…the people who knocked these buildings down will hear all of us soon". John Lennon, "…give peace a chance". Words can connect, divide, inflame, inspire, damage and heal as we know too well from today's political scene.
 
No wonder when Johannes Gutenberg invented the movable-type printing press around 1440, it was the core technology that gave rise to the Age of Enlightenment. The printing press enabled the mass sharing of ideas and information, a key milestone in the history of human communication. Before that the church mainly disseminated information and played a dominant role in shaping society, keeping the status quo and retaining power. Those who control words dominate the narrative and have the power to influence and preside over the trajectory of our human story. The same playbook is evident today in the fights over book banning, free speech and internet control.
 
Not only do words have enormous societal power but they also shape our private lives. We all remember some particularly hurtful things someone said. Indeed, we are more likely to remember the painful than the loving and positive. In my coaching practice, I help people scarred by words they find difficult to forget. And, of course, this has a flip side. We too will have used words, particularly in the heat of the moment, that have wounded and created consequences for others beyond anything we might imagine.
 
Spoken words can be particularly potent and long-lasting. There's no eraser or delete button for the spoken word. Even when we apologize if we've been hurtful, the words remain. We can never unsay what has been said; it doesn't matter whether we have been deliberately or accidentally hurtful.
 
Words can't break our bones or wound our flesh but here's the bottom line: they have energy and force capable of causing harm. Words can be used to humiliate, humble, hinder and mislead. In the words of the British Politician,Pearl Strachan Hurd, "Handle them carefully for words have more power than atom bombs."
 
We all have a duty to choose our words carefully whether writing or speaking. Always consider how they could land. Most importantly do your best to dial down the rhetoric when angry or upset. If necessary, give yourself what I call "an elegant opt-out" by leaving the situation and returning to it when you feel calmer. Walk around the block, lock yourself away and scream your head off if necessary. Powerful emotions can be significantly calmed when released. It's when we keep the lid on that, at some point, the pot will boil over and we use words that wound, inflame or provoke. Remember the flip side – your words also have the power to create harmony, hope, healing and happiness. So mind what you say; it matters to you, those around you and our world.